biar lambat asal tak salah jalan

Assalamualaikum wbt and very very very good day to all of you

Happy New Year everyone!

and as usual,

Looks like dah lama sangaaaattttttt tak update blog kan?

haha yeah thats me.

Heee pity blog of mine

hukk TT

So hows life so far?

Is it good?

No my dear

looks like nothing's going on thru my plan

adehh rasa macam nak nangiss

sakit kepala jugak la pikir

umur pun dah makin bertambah

cara pemikiran dah ade berubah sikit-sikit

you know things change a lot within only a year

macam-macam benda jugak la dah buat sepanjang 2016

rasa cam tanak ingat je memori yang pedih

kalau boleh nak simpan memori yang indah je

ahaks!

tapi sometimes memori pahit pun berguna jugak

you know you always learn from your pain your mistakes along the journey of your life whenever you fall, ape-ape je kita semua sentiasa belajar dari kesilapan untuk jadi lebih baik for the future

and yup! from the journey,

I always thanks to those who being with me dalam jatuh bangun merangkak, berlari, melompat, and whatsoever yang kita semua sedang lalui dalam kehidupan ni

its not easy mann

yep memang tak mudah

and thats why people did say,

bukan mudah nak mudah

and bukan susah nak susah

Me mich yuu

U make me annoying.



This new blog features.
Hurm.

'Well serve u right. Why haven't u update yr blog for so long Alia?'

A test from Allah ~

10 mei 2016.

Tarikh keramat arwah abah awak pergi..

Sungguh saya tak sangka secepat ni. Selama ni pun saya selalu doa yang baik-baik untuk abah awak supaya cepat sembuh tapi memang betul-betul tak jangka tarikh ni abah awak pergi.

Saya mintak maaf sebab selama ni saya betul-betul buta tak nampak.

Seingat saya lebih kurang sebulan lebih yang lalu (agak-agaknye la) awak cakap abah awak tetibe jatuh sakit. And sakit pulak yang datang tetibe with nowhere and how it happened. Memang tak terfikir sampai melarat camni sakit abah awak sebab he supposed to be a very healthy man before, even lebih sihat daripada ayah saya yang smoker (smoker tegar plak tu), well you know..

Saya tau sejak dari hari tu saya perasan perangai awak berubah sikit-sikit. Memula memang saya tak perasan lagi. Saya cuma ingat mungkin sebab tekanan kerja awak jadi camtu. From a very considerate man to a very very hot-tempered person.

Saya pun terkejut jugak tapi sebab saya dah lali kena marah ngan awak hari-hari menyebabkan saya pun jadi pendiam. Tiap kali awak tengah marah saya takleh nak cakap apa. Diam je sambil tahan air mata nak terkeluar (tapi akhirnya keluar jugak kan).

And you knew how hard our time that was very tensed to me a lot. Hampir hari-hari saya nangis and hari-hari jugak la saya cuba cari semangat saya kekuatan saya sorang-sorang trying to be happy and act like nothing happen in front of everybody.

But I know.. you were in the same situation too.. hari-hari cuba untuk cari kekuatan masing-masing nak hadap dunia kerja yang penuh cabaran. 

Saya tau dunia kerja is totally very different from waktu kita study sama-sama dulu. Ujian Allah datang bertubi-tubi. Ujian kat tempat kerja and ujian with our family members.

Dekat awak.. dekat saya.. saya boleh rasa Allah memang nak uji kita berdua.. nak tengok jodoh kita kuat ke tak..

Saya tau hari-hari saya pressure awak and actually at the same time.. sebenarnye hari-hari awak pressure saya jugak..

Its just the same thing.

The different thing is the way we see our problems and handle it.

Saya suke handle prob saya ngan awak tapi awak.. saya tak faham kenapa awak suka pendam prob awak sorang-sorang. (is it all men did it or is it only you?) I mean what's the use I am to you? Ape gune saya datang dari jauh sanggup tempuh 10 jam perjalanan semata-mata pikir awak ade kat sini? isn't it make sense to you or not?

Saya tak tau. Saya takleh nak jawab. Terlalu banyak sangat nak kene pikir dalam otak sampai hari-hari saya cume tau bangun pagi pegi keje sampai la balik keje malam tido. No extra activities. No life at all.

Ya Allah perasaan dia tu cuma Allah je tau macam mane saya hadap sorang-sorang hari-hari. Termenung sorang-sorang.

Ye saya tau ujian hidup awak tak sama ngan ujian hidup saya sebab kita semua memang tak sama pun. Nama pun Allah uji berdasarkan kemampuan yang kite ada. Saya tak sehebat awak. Mungkin sebab tu Allah bagi ujian yang lagi hebat untuk awak sebab Tuhan tau awak mampu.

Tapi saya mintak satu je..

Jangan berhenti brharap..plss.. Saya tak pernah pegi mana-mana pun. Ade je kat sini.. tu pun kalau awak perasan saya kat sini salu ada untuk awak.. sepanjang masa.. T.T

Saya doa abah awak ditempatkan di dalam syurga dan di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman. Amiin.

respectful

Assalamualaikum wbt, readers,

as usual, it always took me for so long to write again in this blog.

do forgive my dear blog.

and as usual too there are many things happened out of my control these days since my last post.

but first, hello 25 years old girl :)

yeahh.. 25 already even not yet reach my real age (my upcoming birthday is in August)

every story have their own reason

everything happen must happen to show you something

means?

i know its quite complicated

but I try to digest it slowly

why?

i always get down whenever i feel being ignored

its not that i want everyone's attention around me

it's just that, if you really want to be in my life,

just don't playing around or pulling my leg with my life

you know i have my own principle

A principle which teach me how to appreciate people who appreciate me in their life

so please don't mess around with my attitude or personality

or loyalty in friendship basically

just like people always said that,

"you know my name, but you don't know my story"

so if you not really sure how real I was or 

who is really actually me or

who the hell she is actually?

like people said too,

my attitude is based on your attitude towards me.

don't make any quick stupid assumption

as I too never ever do that

even I had ever did that I always tell myself,

"don't think people negatively, Alia. They have their own reason why they act like that to you."

so its okay if you're trying to be mean to me,

it's really okay

because I've been used to it a long time ago

ever since I was a kid

being ignored

being nobody

being silence

it's like part of my life everyday

there's no need for me to act like a girl who being so innocent

so gentle just because you're a girl so act like you are a girl

yes i know i'm a girl

but that doesn't mean that i should be sweet or nicest girl ever

you never see how i treat people differently between girls and boys

i have been through a lot

being cheated

being deceived 

by so many people i've met before

so i didn't know if it because of me being too sweet or nice

or it because of I was too stupid before

(even till today I always feel stupid)

so i have my own reason too why sometimes i act like a stupid harsh girl

because i don't want any stupid kinda lovey dovey friendship between man and woman

it's actually stupid

why?

because with just a little care any girl/boy can easily fall in love

it's not that i being "perasan sendiri"

but it's just that i need to avoid it

it's not about your feeling or other's feeling

it's about how you handle your feeling towards this kind of man/woman friendship

so the best way I can do is

act like "manly" girl even though men will hate this too "manly" girl

(what i really mean by "manly" is some sort of rude girl)

so if you ever happen to think that I am the one who being rude first

it's because I grown up in that way

and if you ever think that I should change

at least try to understand first

not stab me at the back first

because I might not realize it or being blinded

but I always lay to Allah's help

He the one will help me to open my eyes anyway.

not much

just try to be respectful

that's all.