biar lambat asal tak salah jalan

Assalamualaikum wbt and very very very good day to all of you

Happy New Year everyone!

and as usual,

Looks like dah lama sangaaaattttttt tak update blog kan?

haha yeah thats me.

Heee pity blog of mine

hukk TT

So hows life so far?

Is it good?

No my dear

looks like nothing's going on thru my plan

adehh rasa macam nak nangiss

sakit kepala jugak la pikir

umur pun dah makin bertambah

cara pemikiran dah ade berubah sikit-sikit

you know things change a lot within only a year

macam-macam benda jugak la dah buat sepanjang 2016

rasa cam tanak ingat je memori yang pedih

kalau boleh nak simpan memori yang indah je

ahaks!

tapi sometimes memori pahit pun berguna jugak

you know you always learn from your pain your mistakes along the journey of your life whenever you fall, ape-ape je kita semua sentiasa belajar dari kesilapan untuk jadi lebih baik for the future

and yup! from the journey,

I always thanks to those who being with me dalam jatuh bangun merangkak, berlari, melompat, and whatsoever yang kita semua sedang lalui dalam kehidupan ni

its not easy mann

yep memang tak mudah

and thats why people did say,

bukan mudah nak mudah

and bukan susah nak susah

Me mich yuu

U make me annoying.



This new blog features.
Hurm.

'Well serve u right. Why haven't u update yr blog for so long Alia?'

A test from Allah ~

10 mei 2016.

Tarikh keramat arwah abah awak pergi..

Sungguh saya tak sangka secepat ni. Selama ni pun saya selalu doa yang baik-baik untuk abah awak supaya cepat sembuh tapi memang betul-betul tak jangka tarikh ni abah awak pergi.

Saya mintak maaf sebab selama ni saya betul-betul buta tak nampak.

Seingat saya lebih kurang sebulan lebih yang lalu (agak-agaknye la) awak cakap abah awak tetibe jatuh sakit. And sakit pulak yang datang tetibe with nowhere and how it happened. Memang tak terfikir sampai melarat camni sakit abah awak sebab he supposed to be a very healthy man before, even lebih sihat daripada ayah saya yang smoker (smoker tegar plak tu), well you know..

Saya tau sejak dari hari tu saya perasan perangai awak berubah sikit-sikit. Memula memang saya tak perasan lagi. Saya cuma ingat mungkin sebab tekanan kerja awak jadi camtu. From a very considerate man to a very very hot-tempered person.

Saya pun terkejut jugak tapi sebab saya dah lali kena marah ngan awak hari-hari menyebabkan saya pun jadi pendiam. Tiap kali awak tengah marah saya takleh nak cakap apa. Diam je sambil tahan air mata nak terkeluar (tapi akhirnya keluar jugak kan).

And you knew how hard our time that was very tensed to me a lot. Hampir hari-hari saya nangis and hari-hari jugak la saya cuba cari semangat saya kekuatan saya sorang-sorang trying to be happy and act like nothing happen in front of everybody.

But I know.. you were in the same situation too.. hari-hari cuba untuk cari kekuatan masing-masing nak hadap dunia kerja yang penuh cabaran. 

Saya tau dunia kerja is totally very different from waktu kita study sama-sama dulu. Ujian Allah datang bertubi-tubi. Ujian kat tempat kerja and ujian with our family members.

Dekat awak.. dekat saya.. saya boleh rasa Allah memang nak uji kita berdua.. nak tengok jodoh kita kuat ke tak..

Saya tau hari-hari saya pressure awak and actually at the same time.. sebenarnye hari-hari awak pressure saya jugak..

Its just the same thing.

The different thing is the way we see our problems and handle it.

Saya suke handle prob saya ngan awak tapi awak.. saya tak faham kenapa awak suka pendam prob awak sorang-sorang. (is it all men did it or is it only you?) I mean what's the use I am to you? Ape gune saya datang dari jauh sanggup tempuh 10 jam perjalanan semata-mata pikir awak ade kat sini? isn't it make sense to you or not?

Saya tak tau. Saya takleh nak jawab. Terlalu banyak sangat nak kene pikir dalam otak sampai hari-hari saya cume tau bangun pagi pegi keje sampai la balik keje malam tido. No extra activities. No life at all.

Ya Allah perasaan dia tu cuma Allah je tau macam mane saya hadap sorang-sorang hari-hari. Termenung sorang-sorang.

Ye saya tau ujian hidup awak tak sama ngan ujian hidup saya sebab kita semua memang tak sama pun. Nama pun Allah uji berdasarkan kemampuan yang kite ada. Saya tak sehebat awak. Mungkin sebab tu Allah bagi ujian yang lagi hebat untuk awak sebab Tuhan tau awak mampu.

Tapi saya mintak satu je..

Jangan berhenti brharap..plss.. Saya tak pernah pegi mana-mana pun. Ade je kat sini.. tu pun kalau awak perasan saya kat sini salu ada untuk awak.. sepanjang masa.. T.T

Saya doa abah awak ditempatkan di dalam syurga dan di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman. Amiin.

respectful

Assalamualaikum wbt, readers,

as usual, it always took me for so long to write again in this blog.

do forgive my dear blog.

and as usual too there are many things happened out of my control these days since my last post.

but first, hello 25 years old girl :)

yeahh.. 25 already even not yet reach my real age (my upcoming birthday is in August)

every story have their own reason

everything happen must happen to show you something

means?

i know its quite complicated

but I try to digest it slowly

why?

i always get down whenever i feel being ignored

its not that i want everyone's attention around me

it's just that, if you really want to be in my life,

just don't playing around or pulling my leg with my life

you know i have my own principle

A principle which teach me how to appreciate people who appreciate me in their life

so please don't mess around with my attitude or personality

or loyalty in friendship basically

just like people always said that,

"you know my name, but you don't know my story"

so if you not really sure how real I was or 

who is really actually me or

who the hell she is actually?

like people said too,

my attitude is based on your attitude towards me.

don't make any quick stupid assumption

as I too never ever do that

even I had ever did that I always tell myself,

"don't think people negatively, Alia. They have their own reason why they act like that to you."

so its okay if you're trying to be mean to me,

it's really okay

because I've been used to it a long time ago

ever since I was a kid

being ignored

being nobody

being silence

it's like part of my life everyday

there's no need for me to act like a girl who being so innocent

so gentle just because you're a girl so act like you are a girl

yes i know i'm a girl

but that doesn't mean that i should be sweet or nicest girl ever

you never see how i treat people differently between girls and boys

i have been through a lot

being cheated

being deceived 

by so many people i've met before

so i didn't know if it because of me being too sweet or nice

or it because of I was too stupid before

(even till today I always feel stupid)

so i have my own reason too why sometimes i act like a stupid harsh girl

because i don't want any stupid kinda lovey dovey friendship between man and woman

it's actually stupid

why?

because with just a little care any girl/boy can easily fall in love

it's not that i being "perasan sendiri"

but it's just that i need to avoid it

it's not about your feeling or other's feeling

it's about how you handle your feeling towards this kind of man/woman friendship

so the best way I can do is

act like "manly" girl even though men will hate this too "manly" girl

(what i really mean by "manly" is some sort of rude girl)

so if you ever happen to think that I am the one who being rude first

it's because I grown up in that way

and if you ever think that I should change

at least try to understand first

not stab me at the back first

because I might not realize it or being blinded

but I always lay to Allah's help

He the one will help me to open my eyes anyway.

not much

just try to be respectful

that's all. 

Cekal Hati

It took me for so long to writing again in my blog.

Not because of I didn’t have much time but my head was full of other things including rubbish.

Terlalu byk benda yg dh berlaku smpai nk update blog pn dh malas.

Today has been over 2 months I’ve finished my study and still didn’t get any job.

I did trying hard at first but then, still has no result. Akal pun dah mati. Bile dah mati mcm2 benda la yg negative keluar dari diri yang kerdil ni.

Yess! Rinduu! Rindu sebenarnya nk tulis blog balik cuma byk sgt “other things” tu yg kacau.

Kadang2 rase cm sronok dduk rmah xde buat ape.. rilek je memanjang.. hakikatnye stress yg amat.

Tgk kwn2 sume dh keje, I feel like, am I so stupid af smpai langsung x dpt satu iv pun dari mane2 company?

So that’s why, I think further and further again. Why not sambung belajar? Kalau dh tu je skill yg I ada. Skill menulis karangan yang panjang2 and bace journal (eventhough Im not so into it) but at least I have something to do drpd melangut kt umah xde buat ape pn kn.

So I think, its really really really time to take a risk.

Yes Alia, cekal kan hati anda. Kalau master anda boleh, why not PhD plak kn?

p/s: suara hati kecil dh bersuara akhirnya.. gudluck!

Part 7.

Bahagian 7

Pada hari itu, cuaca sangat tenang setenang jiwa Farah. Entah kenapa terasa dirinya sangat tenang pada hari itu seolah-olah masalah jiwa yang selama ini terpendam dalam lubuk hatinya terlepas sudah. Selama ini, dia terasa penat yang amat dengan apa yang dia dah lalui sebelum ni.

Namun pada hari itu, dia bukan seorang diri tetapi bersama orang yang dia paling cintai. Lelaki yang berada di sebelah Farah bukan lagi lelaki yang dulu tetapi merupakan lelaki yang selama ini dia tunggu-tunggu dan telah pun menjadi suaminya yang sah. Tubuhnya yang tegap dan sasa berdiri tenang di sisi Farah.

Farah masih lagi teringat bagaimana suaminya itu telah melamar dirinya ketika dalam keadaan betul-betul kebingungan. Siapa lelaki yang dimaksudkan itu?

Ya, Irfan!

Di hari ketika Irfan mengajak Farah keluar sebenarnya terselit maksud tersirat di hati Irfan. Dia telah bersiap-siap untuk melamar Farah pada hari itu juga. Dia tahu walaupun dia terpaksa mengambil risiko jika lamarannya ditolak tapi Irfan tabahkan juga hati. Kerana dia tahu setiap apa yang terjadi pasti ada hikmah di sebaliknya.

Dan kini Alhamdulillah. Farah menerima lamaran Irfan tanpa disangka-sangka sehinggalah mereka berdua sah menjadi suami isteri hingga hari ini. Betapa gembiranya hati Irfan cuma Tuhan je yang tahu.

*******************************************************************************

“Eh Farah! Makin bahagia eh kau sekarang.. heheh..”

Nina menegur Farah dengan senyuman yang meleret. Kandungan dalam perut Farah sedikit membesar serta menampakkan tubuhnya yang semakin berisi setelah dua bulan berkahwin dengan Irfan.

“Kau pun sama jugak kan Nina. Tak kurang bahagia aku tengok kau lepas kahwin kan. Yelah.. siapa tak sayang suami yang hensem macam si Syafiq tu. Doktor pulak tu. Hehe..”

Giliran Farah pula membalas. Nina tersipu-sipu malu.

“Eh sedar pulak kau si Syafiq tu hensem eh. Waktu dia sibuk nak mengurat kau takde pulak kau puji-puji dia kan,” Nina mencebik.

Farah tergelak besar.

“Aku saja jelah tak nak layan si Syafiq. Lagipun masa tu aku memang tak boleh nak terima siapa-siapa pun lagi dalam hidup aku kecuali Irfan. Kau pun tahu kan macam mana aku sayang kat Irfan.”

“Iyelah Farah. Aku faham. By the way, thanks sebab bagi peluang kat aku rapat dengan Syafiq. Hehe..” ujar Nina sambil tersengih-sengih panjang.

Tidak lama kemudian, Syafiq dan Irfan datang menerjah mereka berdua.

“Amboi sembang apa yang seronok sangat tu.. dari jauh lagi abang nampak Farah dengan Nina ketawa ya,”

“Takde apa lah abang. Ni hal perempuan lelaki tak boleh masuk campur,” Farah senyum sambil memeluk lengan Irfan.

Mereka berempat terus menjamu mata dengan pemandangan yang ada di depan mata. Kehijauan dan keindahan pemandangan yang ada di situ serta ketenangan hawa dingin berada di Tanah Tinggi Cameron sedikit sebanyak menenangkan jiwa-jiwa yang sedang berbulan madu di sana.

Di dalam hati, Farah tidak henti-henti mengucap syukur di dalam hati kerana itu adalah kali kedua dia berbulan madu bersama Irfan. Sebelum ini, Irfan telah memberi kejutan terhadapnya dengan berbulan madu di Turki, lokasi pelancongan kesukaan Farah. Dia betul-betul tidak menyangka cinta Irfan masih lagi kukuh dalam diri lelaki tersebut. Dan kali ini pula sekali lagi Irfan membuat kejutan dengan berbulan madu bersama teman baik Farah, Nina. Mereka berdua baru sahaja melangsungkan perkahwinan dan membuat keputusan untuk berbulan madu di dalam Malaysia sahaja memandangkan Syafiq lebih suka melancong di dalam negara sendiri.

“Memang benarlah orang yang bersabar dengan ujian Allah akhirnya pasti diberi ganjaran yang tidak disangka-sangka..”

-Tamat-



p/s: akhirnya siap sudah cerpen ku yang sekian lama terkubur, huhuu

undefine person

lights, camera, struck a pose
and if someone help you
put lipstick on, yeah
high heels higher, 6-feet tall
and everybody knows who you are

and nobody cares if your heart is aching
nobody cares if you want no more
nobody wants to know you cried the night before

vaster your dreams and your hopes into it
everything you used to know is gone
and you're slipping into in your own
trying not to lose yourself

cause these lights won't kill me now
saying these clothes won't change me now
saying these words won't scare me now
saying i will be myself

friendly people all around
and time to put your best face on
smiling like there's nothing wrong
though deep down you feel so alone

and nobody sees who you are inside
nobody knows that you're so much more
nobody needs to know
you're tired of putting a show

nobody cares if your heart is aching
nobody cares if you want no more
nobody wants to know
nobody cares at all

I want to be myself ...


-yuna; lights and camera-

p/s monday bluess ... rindu :(